so seven months into a diagnosis, four months into radiation therapy, one month into everything being over and done with it all starts again and not a single soul has the right thing to say because you. dont. get it.
so tell me that this shit sucks and youre sorry then leave it alone and i will feel so much better.
youre welcome. now you dont have to awkwardly think of the right thing to say in a random moment where we just stare at each other after you ask me whats wrong and i tell you.
it was four then five six seven now i dont know how much longer and i dont care to wait any longer. lets fix it get better get back to when i felt a heart not the growing and the aching and the pains in my head. youve been so so so patient you were better than me and so i stay and i pretend things are just like they seem but theyre not i cant wait to make it all stop. and so one day well pay for how careless you are and how selfish i am and how its all been a show but lets just wait it out and so please dont leave my side. you are stronger than i am and im worse than you know but keep me up and maybe even i will believe you that things are better than we know.
make me think of buckets of red paint, sagging views through windows, something about the corner of your bed, lyrics completely twisted, four numbers i cant replace, that white picket fence, an old man in the distance, looking at you through some framework.